Given the thousands of diet schemes, diet experts, and weight loss products marketed to Americans daily, it’s easy to believe that if you could just identify the right approach for your body type, you could lose weight quickly and for good. But is it really that simple? Yes—and no. A recent study conducted by the Harvard School of Public Health found that any diet that reduces calories—regardless of whether those calories come from carbohydrates, proteins, or fats—leads to weight loss. But many dieters gain the weight back in the first year, and many more after five years. So what’s the secret to losing weight and keeping it off?

First, you need to get a handle on how you eat and why you may overeat, says Michelle May, MD, author of Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat (Greenleaf, 2010). Second, weight loss must be a long-term commitment. When you’ve lost weight, your body needs fewer calories forever (a smaller body needs less fuel) and there’s some evidence that weight loss causes metabolism changes that also result in needing fewer calories. Finally, it’s important to think about losing weight as part of a greater plan to take care of your body. (Wanting to fit into your “skinny” jeans is not reason enough!) If people start eating a certain way only for the sake of weight loss and then do not lose as much as expected, they are likely to give up the healthy habits, says Janna Fikkan, PhD, a psychologist and mindfulness researcher at Duke Integrative Medicine in Durham, North Carolina. “If [they] have a bigger idea of how they could care for their bodies by using food as nourishment and add pleasure to their lives by being physically active, they might adopt behaviors that will make them feel better. They also might get to healthy weights that are right for their bodies,” says Fikkan. If you’ve tried everything and still struggle with weight issues, you’re not alone (that’s why the diet industry made $59 billion in 2008). Here are some of the most common hurdles to lasting weight loss—and what really works to overcome them.

Hurdle #1: Stress

We’re wired to eat when we’re under stress. Evolutionarily, that was a good thing. If you needed to escape a dangerous situation, high calories would give you the energy to do it; but in today’s modern society, the stress-food response no longer works in your favor. “Every time you reach for food when you’re stressed, you deepen the wiring,” says Mary Dallman, PhD, a neuroscientist and professor emerita at the University of California, San Francisco. To compound the problem, the release of stress hormones causes a surge of insulin, which turns extra calories into belly fat, says Dallman. A recent Harvard study found that the most common triggers for stress-related weight gain are work and bills. In men, hot buttons include feeling a lack of authority, and in women, family pressures and perceived life constraints.

Overcome it

Distinguish between stress-induced cravings and true hunger. Pause, take a few breaths, and look for physical signs of hunger, such as a growling stomach, low energy, or difficulty concentrating, says May. If they’re not there, scan your thoughts and emotions and ask, “Am I anxious, guilty, sad, or stressed?”

Have a glass of water. If you experience what Fikkan calls “mouth hunger” without feeling hunger in your belly, you may be thirsty. “Hydrating first may help you distinguish between thirst and hunger.”

Check in after snacking. Dallman and May both say it’s OK to reach for a snack when you’re under pressure; the trick is to know you’re doing it and assess the outcome. “If you eat two cookies and your craving isn’t satisfied, then you know the craving did not come from real hunger,” says May. Next time try a different solution.

Take a walk or make a phone call. When you’re at work, it may be quicker and more socially acceptable to grab a snack when you need to unwind than to take a time-out, says Fikkan, but this can take a toll on your waistline—and your health—over time. It also limits your repertoire of skills to deal with stress, she says.

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